NUNU FILMS

Author: Nunu

  • Blog: Been Away

    I am currently on vacation in Santiago del Chile with my mommy and my heart is so full. I want to take some time to update this blog because it’s been a minute.

    Alexa, play Winning by Key Glock lmaoooo.

    It’s hard to blog because I genuinely don’t have the words for how incredibly fulfilling this Fulbright has been. My grant comes to an end in two months, and I’m forcing myself to stay in the present moment because a bitch like me is always trying to find the next project and make the next dollar.

    Here are some updates:

    First and foremost, I have gained so much confidence during this program and this little trip to the Andes mountains has really helped me notice that. I be talking to everyoneeeee lmao. I was not outgoing in college because I was busy going through it. I told myself that no one loved or supported me, and that couldn’t be anything but the truth. So, everybody clap!

    Secondly, my Portuguese is amazing. I’m glad I haven’t lost my Spanish either, as I’ve been moving through these Santiago streets like I live here.

    DOC UPDATES:

    • Filmed over 200gb of B-roll to date including soooo many key cultural moments (carnaval, são joão, 2 de Julho, a historic Bahia vs. Vitoria fútbol match, & more)
    • In August, I officially registered NUNU FILMS LLC.
    • Identified and began building relationships with three (3) story characters who represent aspects and themes of Afro-Brazilian life I want to capture such as Spirituality, Hip-Hop, Capoeira, etc., completing bilingual media release forms.
    • Started developing the script, outlining each story character’s arc. Scouted multiple filming locations for additional B-Roll.
    • Began assembling a visually-appealing pitch deck to support post-Fulbright distribution goals.
    • Made a monthly production timeline to keep myself on track.

    & other progress plus more to be made.

    Other updates:

    • In September, I started mentoring part-time to help inspire other young students and help them feel seen and nurtured. I feel passionate about this because I would not be here today without my mentors.
    • I’ve been holding my own in these MA meetings and actively remembering my worth.
    • I’ve been steadily building strength and refining my martial arts skills.

    I feel excited and uplifted. This journey was not easy but I’ve handled every challenge that came my way with grace and I feel like I can do anything now.

    The projected documentary final cut is APRIL 2026. I plan to release it a little bit after that. The duration will be about ~30 minutes or more.

    More soon. I’ll try to update before I leave Brazil obviously.

  • Blog: My First Quilombo Visit in Cachoeira, Bahia

    Blog: My First Quilombo Visit in Cachoeira, Bahia

    During Salvador’s fall-winter season, the rain comes for a few minutes to an hour, and then it goes. Then it comes back again. It’s like this for a whole week—on and off. Then the next week, it’s sunny. This was one early morning when the sun opened up an hour before the clouds and wetness returned.

    This past Wednesday I visited Quilombo Kaonge, a quilombola community located in the rural area of Cachoeira.

    Quilombos, or maroons, are communities that were formed during Colonial Brazil by Africans and their descendents who fled slavery. These places allowed them to live freely and preserve their religious and cultural practices. The State of Bahia has the largest self-declared quilombola population in the country. 

    Quilombo Kaonge is a community of 52 families, many of which are very large. The women of Rota da Liberdade were incredibly welcoming when we arrived, and we started our visit with a traditional Bahian meal consisting of moqueca de camarão, vatapá, pirão, and rice. We had mango juice to wash everything down.

    I learned how to make natural cough syrup, dendé oil, and flour.

    Watching the women work, hearing their stories, and learning their traditions reminded me that everything worth creating takes time and intention.

    Me making tapioca flour, which makes a popular Brazilian delicacy by the same name.

    For example, I learned that the dendê oil won’t come from the palm nut if you bring the wrong energy, meaning if you come back from the streets heavy, angry, or carrying negative energy, you have to stay far away to not mess up the process. So I’m definitely taking that with me… slow down, breathe, and let my creativity flow when it’s ready.

    Dendê palm nuts, common in Bahia and in Africa.
    The final process of making the oil, heating the mixture over the stove.

    Before we left, the women invited us into a roda de samba. It was really fun to just let loose and enjoy the energy of the drums. Turns out I don’t need any samba lessons after all.

  • The future of Black cinema in Brazil starts with the past

    Director Luiza Botelho screened her short film BELA LX-404 at the Panorama Internacional Coisa de Cinema on April 9th, at beloved movie theatre Cine Glauber Rocha at the center of Salvador da Bahia.

    She first premiered BELA LX-404 at the Rio International Film Festival in October 2024. 

    Botelho is an award-winning filmmaker and director born in Brazil. After graduating from the University of Arizona in 2011, she lived and worked in both Los Angeles and New York City for several years. During this time, she built an impressive resume—working for TED and BBC as well as producing acclaimed projects such as documentary Meu Amigo Fela (My Friend Fela) and music video Kel Dia for Cape Verdean singer Zubikilla Spencer. She got her start in filmmaking with her father, acclaimed director Joel Zito Araújo.

    “I grew up on set. We couldn’t really afford a babysitter.” She tells me over a video call. She explains that although her father was deeply involved in the filmmaking scene, she “built a career outside of that,” staking a claim for herself in the industry.

    BELA LX-404 tells an afro-futuristic story about a lonely man who buys a robot online to act as his wife. Thinking he’ll receive a young, cute, cyberpunk robot, he instead gets an older robot (played by the late Léa Garcia) named BELA LX-404. Botelho says she wrote the script for the film in one day, after the storyline came to her in a dream.

    The theme of afro-futurism in BELA LX-404 speaks to many people in Salvador.

    “When we think of sci-fi we think of white people,” Botelho explains. “[Afro-futurism] helps us place afro-descendents in the future. To reinvent and reimagine what the future can be for the Afro-Diaspora.”

    Salvador has a painful history of slavery and discrimination. As the first port for Portuguese settlers, Bahia imported more than one million enslaved Africans during the transatlantic slave trade. Today, this history is still remembered and contested through writings, art, dance, and other cultural expressions. 

    Afro-futurism allows Bahians to envision a future in which the lives of Afro-descendants are more expansive than this traumatic past.

    Léa Garcia played an important role in this idea as well.

    Garcia, along with household name Ruth de Souza, was among the first Black women actors to rise to prominence in Brazil. Garcia’s film debut was the Brazilian-French co-production Black Orpheus, which took home the Oscar for best foreign-language film in 1960.

    Black Orpheus was the first Brazilian film to win an Oscar. However, because it was produced by French director Marcel Camus, it was officially registered as a French picture. Despite being largely shot in Rio de Janeiro, depicting aspects of the city’s carnival culture, and having a primarily Brazilian cast and crew, Botelho explains how the country of Brazil did not want the film to be recognized as a Brazilian picture.

    Further, film projects have historically underrepresented and misrepresented Black actors in Brazil since the conception of cinema. Although Brazil has the largest population of African descendants outside of Africa, the industry has a long history of being dominated by elite whites. When Black characters first appeared in films, they were nearly invariably portrayed in servile or criminal roles. Black actors didn’t start to take over the screen more frequently until the 1930s, when “chanchadas,” a type of Rio-based musical with themes of carnaval, became popular. Chanchadas had an impact on Black Orpheus, but the movie also had its own unique take using the influences of Greek mythology and neorealism. 

    In response to the question of whether she believes that collaborating with Garcia on this project reinforces the concept of Black cinema is here to stay in Brazil, she states that more work needs to be done.

    “Black Brazilian film has been around for years. My film is just a drop in a big ocean.” Botelho says. She makes reference to the ongoing effort of being socially cognizant and anti-racist in our creative roles: “We always have to be aware, it can’t last.” 

    Garcia passed away in 2023 at the age of 90 due to heart complications. She leaves a lasting impression as a trailblazer for other young creatives in Brazil.


    As festivals continue showing BELA LX-404, it’s uncertain when the film will be made public. Botelho’s next project is currently in development.

    Sources:

    https://panorama.coisadecinema.com.br/filmes/bela-lx-404/

    https://slaveryandremembrance.org/articles/article/?id=A0129

    Stam, Robert. “Slow Fade to Afro: The Black Presence in Brazilian Cinema.” Film Quarterly 36, no. 2 (1982): 16–32. https://doi.org/10.2307/3696991

    https://goldenglobes.com/articles/black-cinema-brazil-long-and-hard-road/

  • Blog: What it’s like moving to a new country

    Moving to a new country is not for the weak or faint of heart ok. I was going through it last week and I didn’t know how to write about it. Had a bitch listening to Sade and shit. This is what I think moving to a new country is like: It’s a whole honeymoon phase in the beginning, and then it’s a crash, which I feel like I just kind of crawled my way out of, and then it’s like ok this is my life and I worked hard for this and I’m feeling very fulfilled. I’m very grateful to be making friends, networking, getting my life together, etc. I’m taking little steps towards very big goals and I couldn’t feel prouder of myself.

    Last week I met with filmmaker Luiza Botelho, an industry professional with experience throughout Brazil and in the U.S., living in both Los Angeles and New York City. She showcased her short film called BELA LX-404 centered around afro-futurism. I wasn’t able to catch her film, but I was able to connect with and interview her shortly after so I’ll have an article about her work next. I also met her father, Joel Zito Araújo, Brazilian filmmaker, whose work I became acquainted with when interning at the Stone Center for Black Culture and History at UNC. His documentary, Cinderelas, Lobos e Um Príncipe Encantado (Cinderellas, Wolves and a Charming Prince), was the first of his I saw. It highlights the sexual exploitation of young Brazilian women throughout Europe and Brazil. You can find it on YouTube. It was made in 2008, and it’s still relevant today.

    Joel also screened his new film, a documentary titled Brasiliana: o musical negro que apresentou o Brasil ao mundo (Brasiliana: the Black musical that introduced Brazil to the world). The feature-length film was charming, nostalgic, and deeply reflective of how a strong Brazilian identity, even in the smallest of ways, was able to influence the places and people the traveling musical visited.

    Joel Zito Araújo (second from right) and daughter Luiza Botelho (far right) during Q&A’s after screening their films Brasiliana and BELA LX-404.

    Currently getting ready for a party as I type. I’m outside!!!!! Been working on my website trying to code some different features including making it multilingual. So if you see some weird errors just mind ya own. It’s all a process

  • Why Kendrick and SZA’s luther music video feels like a movie

    Kendrick Lamar and SZA surprised fans on the internet after a surprise drop of their music video luther released on YouTube yesterday by acclaimed director Karena Evans.

    Since its release, the film sits at 6.1 million views and counting. 

    The project delivers a visually compelling narrative that is founded in themes of love, Black identity, and emotional depth. Titled after Luther Vandross, the track pays homage through extended samples of his and Cheryl Lynn’s classic If This World Were Mine (1982). luther is a reflection of Evans’ signature style—hand-held camera movements, and playing with the poetic use of everyday scenes and making them dreamlike. Watching her hip-hop visuals will feel like you’re watching scenes from a movie, rather than clips from a music video. 

    Evans was born in Toronto and started working professionally under Director X, a prominent music video director also from Toronto. At 29 years old, she has since built an impressive portfolio—having directed visuals for large names in the industry such as: 

    • SZA: Garden (Say It Like Dat)
    • Drake: God’s Plan, In My Feelings, Nice For What, I’m Upset
    • Chlöe: Have Mercy

    She’s also had her hand directing episodes on TV projects like HBO’s Gossip Girl reboot and Amazon Prime’s Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

    She is a powerful storyteller, creating space on screen for female representation and people of color to be seen authentically.

    As she told NUVO Magazine in 2019,

    “Growing up and learning how to communicate stories through the music video art form, I felt discomfort with the way that women were represented. It’s always at the forefront of my mind with whatever story I get to be a part of telling—to represent women with authenticity.” ​

    Women, and furthermore Black women, have been historically left out of large-budget hip-hop projects such as these. Evans, in many ways, opens doors for many female storytellers like myself. She represents a shift in hip-hop visual culture where women are not just muses, but creative collaborators who have the power to shape how the culture is seen. If more women were behind the camera in these spaces, what could hip-hop visuals look like in the future?

    Sources:

    https://www.rawfemme.com/karena-evans-music-video-director/embed/#?secret=2cNv5XZEjG#?secret=manSgJGPob

    https://www.imdb.com/name/nm8032591

    https://magazine.shots.net/news/view/karena-evans-force-of-nature

    https://nuvomagazine.com/magazine/winter-2019/the-creators-cut-karena-evans

  • Blog: I Have a Crib!

    It’s with a happy heart I can say that I have found my own apartment. It’s kinda perfect. Right by the beach, safe, and has A/C. This is why I never stress! God is good.

    Today was a great day of waking up early, exercising, doing some research, and making my own açaí. It’s starting to feel like I live here now. I think the adjustment period is close to finished. I wish I could experience this city for the first time again… the beaches especially. Kind of like when you hear a really good song for the first time and wish you could unhear it to experience that again.

    I’m not sure how I’m supposed to be a cultural ambassador for the U.S. with this administration. Dual-citizenship is calling my name.

    This week I just been getting my apartment together. If I’m being honest it’s been difficult organizing myself and this creative project in a way that feels tangible and deliverable but all big things start with just a little step. I act like I’ve never done this before. There’s that imposter syndrome again. I’m not gonna be hard on myself though because a documentary will be made. This first month and a half have really been to just stabilize myself and get to know the city and make friends and connections. And I’m not even mad at that because I finally feel grounded and like I have a circle of people I can spend time with and rely on. How I’m supposed to work without that? I’m really thankful for all my friends at home who support me and stay reading these also. Y’all are my lighttt frfr

  • Blog: Theory vs. Reality

    There is theory and there is reality. Theory was that living in Brazil would be cute and the reality is that I’m tired of sweating fr. The idea of signing up for a year of summer versus actually living it… only time will tell how I survive y’all. It’s starting to cool down a little bit, though, and I had a very relaxing day at the beach today, tanning in my leopard print bikini and bahia bucket hat. I don’t know anything about futebol but I’m determined to learn (all the fine shyts love futebol).

    I still haven’t found permanent housing but I’m getting closer and keeping the faith. I love being away from the evils of corporate America. I actually get a lot more done. I found a routine so at least there’s been some stability there. I’ve been getting my steps in, biking, swimming in the ocean, and eating right. I’ll do anything but go to the gym. Gonna try a yoga class and maybe pilates. But I’m scared if I try pilates I’ll never wanna do it again lol.

    Tomorrow I’m filming a reggae concert with a new colleague I’ve met. Reggae is a very popular genre here in Brazil. Samba reggae is specific to Bahia, and as the name suggests, it blends Brazilian samba and Jamaican Reggae. I already feel like veering towards music with this documentary so this will be fun to experience.

    I love meeting people who do exactly what I want to do. A videographer, who travels and makes documentaries for music artists. It’s cool and all meeting these folk but y’all gotta understand I need to meet dream hampton. I desperately need some female mentorship in my life, and she’s everything I wanna be. I’ve already had a man in this industry give me back-handed compliments on my skills or tell me his thoughts on men’s roles in women’s lives. When is it my turn. I have so much to say with my docs and it’s just as important, if not more important than what the rest of these niggas got going on. I deserve to feel empowered with my work.

    More updates on the doc soon. Like I said, this apartment is close I can feel it.

    Byee

  • Blog: Everything is ayyy OK

    Not only was Carnaval taking so much out of me but I got sick immediately after. I’m talking sick sick. I had all the illnesses and it wasn’t ’til I had to start canceling meetings and skip outings with my new friends that I learned from locals that unfortunately it happens every year after Carnaval. Now that I’ve recovered, I’m experiencing some housing instability and that is definitely interfering with my wellbeing and therefore my documentary project. I feel like I’m running out of time because it’s been a little over a month since I’ve gotten here and I’m still not settled. But I know better… everything is on it’s own timing.

    First time I visited Brazil it was for about a month and I went to São Paulo. It took about that long for me to start feeling homesick and ready to go back home. I was tired of the Portuguese, and tired of some of the negative people I was traveling with. It’s not that I’m homesick, or that I miss home, because this place can really feel like home sometimes. It’s just that I miss that feeling of familiarity. I also do get tired of speaking Portuguese but in true multi-lingual fashion English doesn’t feel that comfortable no more either. I think once I find my apartment I will be able to settle in much easier. At least I’m learning that I do not like living out of a suitcase.

    I’m staying with a friend from my program and as much as I hate taking up people’s space it’s been fun and I gotta allow that extra support right now. I’m literally in another country by myself. Sometimes I wake up and I’m like damn… I’m still in Brazil. Not in a good way, but not in a bad way either. I just have a lot of adjusting to do.

    As far as my project goes I’ve really had to put that on pause until my housing and security is figured out. But I’ve had lots of promising interactions with locals, and am continuing with my research everyday by reading Mama Africa by Patricia de Santana Pinho. When I’m ready I’ll be recording preliminary interviews and arranging travel days to go and film in and around Salvador.

    I still miss my friends. I still want a cat but I need a place to live first. Adulting is some real shit…

  • Blog: Perspective Heals

    Where do I even start!

    I landed right in the middle of Carnaval and it’s been wild. That’s why you haven’t heard from me. That’s why my uncle hasn’t heard from me since I landed. I saw him yesterday and he was like when did you land. I said 3 weeks ago… and he said “and you called me today?” Idk how these Brazilians up and drunk 24 hours a day for a week straight but they do it and they have a good time too. Salvador holds the world record for the largest block party in the world, so you can imagine my exhaustion. Despite having to reset my social battery like every 4-8 hours, I really enjoyed it. I was able to film a little bit during my affiliate’s invite-only camarote, and while it wasn’t hella people there, I was able to connect with some Howard students, film, and network during the 4-day long event. If you’re following my instagram (@reelworldtesting) I was posting all of the stills I captured. I got some really beautiful shots despite it being just me so I’m proud.

    I think I’m getting well-adjusted to Brazil. When I got here right… I was like oh so this what we doing. For the next nine months. But it just took making friends to make that weird feeling go away. I’ve met so many people and they’ve all given me so much perspective on my life so far. Like I really went to college in the South and it really was that bad… UNC was not normal and I’m sick of everyone tryna tell me it wasn’t all that bad. Just look at what’s going on rn. And instead of transferring, I thugged it out. Because I felt like I had to. Because my mentors told me that it’ll be worth it when I have UNC at the top of my resume. I still think everything happens for a reason and God did but my only regret is not listening to myself back then when I knew I would be happier at another school. Why we gotta struggle to have the good life?

    At the same time, that experience is/was always going to be so insignificant compared to what life got in store for me. It’s a big big world out here.

    I want to let everyone know that by the grace of God my Fulbright grant has not been affected by Trump’s funding freeze. The stipends that me and those in my cohort have earned are provided and distributed by the Brazilian government and our commission is ensuring that we get our money. It’s honestly incredible how he can cause so much chaos and disrupt people’s dreams of researching abroad, among many other things. It’s like an eery isolation tactic in my eyes. He’s the world’s biggest manipulator and he’s moving worse than any nigga I’ve ever dated.

    Anyway Wakanda is real and it’s in Salvador, Bahia. I miss all my friends from home and I want a cat but how I’m gonna take care of a cat. I desperately need to find permanent housing and once I do that and feel more settled I start my preliminary interviews for my doc. I’m still trying to figure out how I want to share these clips before putting the doc together but I will think of something creative. Open to suggestions because I’m curious what everyone is interested in seeing.

    Blessings xxx

  • Blog: Life is Good (Day 2)

    I landed in Salvador da Bahia yesterday night and everything feels incredible. I’ve been able to network more in the past day then I have in the past several months in the U.S. That’s how open people are here… I’m eating good, feeling good, and I know that God has His hands on me right now. Life just feels… right. If you’re Black, come to Salvador. You will feel right at home. Carnaval starts next week and I will have to film a lot of content soon. But a common, ethical journalism practice is to first meet people and get a feel for their cultures before you start putting cameras in people’s faces or asking for interviews. Embrace people’s stories organically and let them open up to you… especially if you have time. Puerto Rico was only a 10 day student trip and I remember feeling like my story character hadn’t opened up to me really until towards the end. We’re not with the parachute research!

    I’m already learning so much and am less scared to put myself out there. Truth is everyone is struggling to put themselves out there but they’re doing it anyway.

    Just a quick updateee, sending love to all my people back in U.S. and praying everyday about the situation there. More soon xxxx

  • Blog: The Gift of Courage (52 Days)

    Today is Christmas…

    In the way that Brazilians do, dinner and gift-giving happened yesterday on Christmas Eve. I am so blessed to be able to celebrate another holiday with my family. Another year of me and my cousin getting drunk off sparkling grape juice, me forcing everyone to go around the table and say what they’re happy for this Holiday season, and hearing again that I’m “too hard to shop for” even though I don’t agree with that at all. 

    I leave for my Fulbright Grant in 52 days. I am grateful to be feeling less nervous and more excited about this next chapter of my life. Fear is a tricky thing. You can spend your whole life trying to fight it, just for it to get worse. I’ve learned that you have to be intentional. Anxiety is natural, and deep down she’s my best friend. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her. You can’t be brave if there is nothing to be scared of. 

    At the same time, fear is just not my spiritual truth. Even living with PTSD, I have the spirit of power, love, and peace. I just kinda know that. Sometimes you go through scary things so that you have the opportunity to build a good relationship with fear. The best things in life can also be scary, so you gotta be prepared for it. 

    The love that surrounds me, this Fulbright, my career—I needed to be prepared for how scary it would all feel when I received it. At least that’s how I make sense of the scary things I’ve had to go through.

    My girl Audre Lorde once said: 

    “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”

    She was so real for that. Simply, there are more important things than fear.

    Besides trying to figure out who’s fixing to upgrade my ticket to first class and sponsor my going away party in ATL, I don’t really have anything new to share about Brazil.

    Merry Christmas.

  • Blog: Real Talk

    I’m sooooo done being fake humble. It’s not exactly being fake humble when anxiety is present, but nevertheless I’m done being shy. I was watching SZA on Kai Cenat’s stream yesterday and I felt so seen. There SZA was, in all of her female glory, after giving us the most raw, vulnerable performance with SOS and telling the whole world she just killed her ex, nervous to sit in front of a live video camera and have people perceive her. Although I would assume that would be out of most people’s comfort zone, the grammy-winning singer got up a few times to take a few breaths and tame her anxiety, and eventually it seemed like she was comfortable in the room. That’s when I started thinking that black women with anxiety need a lot of love. We need safe spaces to be ourselves and not be judged for any negative feelings and emotions that can come up for us. ‘Cause even just showing up can take a lot.

    It’s like we know we’re that girl, we’re just too afraid to show it.

    My version of going on Kai’s live stream was earlier this month when I met face-to-face with a prominent music documentarian in the industry. Despite me trying to talk myself out of it the night before, I made sure my Amtrak tickets were nonrefundable and got myself on a 6am train to New York first thing the next morning. Quite hungover after celebrating my 23rd birthday, nervous, and dealing with a level of hangxiety I had never dealt with before, I met with said producer and like usual, I was nervous for no reason. I sighed a breath of relief when they arrived and I was able to have all of my professional questions answered. The only thing I can say went wrong, was that I forgot to talk about me.

    I have seen their work before. It’s on Netflix. Their style is super dope, unique, and captures the very essence of music documentaries. Yet when it was time to talk about my work, I’ve gotten so used to talking myself down that I gave my usual spiel about my upcoming documentary work in Brazil:

    “I’m moving to Brazil to work on a documentary in Bahia.”

    Except that’s not always the line. Sometimes, when I really want to brag about myself, I’ll say:

    “I got a scholarship to move to Brazil and work on a documentary in Bahia.”

    Sure I talked about my work, but I played it down. It’s not just any scholarship I won, I won a Fulbright. HELLO. Fulbright is one of the most highly prestigious international exchange programs in the world. It’s government-funded, and it’s seen as a mark of quality within one’s field. Notable Fulbright alumni have gone on to change the whole world. In other words, I’m well on my way to winning a Nobel or Pulitzer prize one day, and perhaps even changing the world with my work.

    I wonder how many times I’ll hear that until it registers. If I had the confidence of someone like, Donald Trump, I would’ve not only accepted my value a long time ago but I would also be making hella bands from it by now, too.

    I wonder when it’s gonna stop being so hard to fully take up space. I know I’m not the only one. I don’t know if it’s racism, or misogyny, or both. But day by day I’m learning to do it. I’m still young, new to the profession, and if anything this is good indication that I have so much room to grow my confidence. It won’t be overnight and that’s a good thing. Life is a journey after all.

    Next time someone asks me about what I got going on, I’mma hit ’em with this:

    “I earned a Fulbright Scholarship with government funding to support my upcoming project in Brazil. Are you familiar with a Fulbright Scholarship?”

    All I can do is keep it real end of the day. Me accepting my excellence is as real as it can get.

  • Blog: Going to Salvador, Bahia on a U.S. Fulbright Grant

    I’ve decided that I want to make further use of my website and write about the experiences of the Fulbright journey that lies ahead of me and the start of my professional video journalism career. ‘Cuz baby… we just getting started.

    It’s been five months since I learned I received a Fulbright Open Study award to travel to and live in Brazil for 9 months and shoot my documentary. My main goals for this project are to give it all my expertise, accuracy, and dedication, and to do justice for the Afro-Brazilian community in Salvador da Bahia. My personal goals are to become completely fluent in Portuguese, embrace love, friendship and family, and connect to my roots. Also I’m gonna start working on my S.M.A.R.T. goals… Regardless, I care about this project a lot and I can already feel myself putting unnecessary pressure on myself, like I usually do.

    I leave in February which gives me just a few more months to get my visa approved, secure a university with a journalism or film department to work with, and rent an apartment. I’ll also want to finalize the production schedule, continue to apply for extra grant opportunities, and set up an LLC. I feel like I don’t know how to do any of that, but doing one thing at a time has helped assuage some of my anxieties surrounding this project.

    Fulbright has been a dream of mine since freshman year of college. I graduated UNC Chapel Hill in May, and since then I’ve been living with family in Asheville, working and praying that the imposter syndrome goes away. Asheville and the surrounding areas in Western North Carolina have just been hit by a devastating storm, so I’ve started praying about that too.These past few months I’ve found it difficult to absolve the fears I have. It’s hard to think about how large-scale this project is, and how much I care about doing well, without anxiety stopping me in my tracks.

    I’ll start to think that what I have to do is way too big. I’ve always been ambitious, but if I’m honest, sometimes I feel like I’m not cut out for any of this. Not just the Fulbright, but the rest of my career goals. How I want to be a music journalist and make documentaries and music videos about and for the biggest influences of our culture. How I want to travel the world and drive social change through my work. How I want to own a production company. What sucks is sometimes it doesn’t matter what anybody says about me either. That I can do it, that it’ll be a life-changing experience, that magic will happen for me in Brazil. While I know these things are true, sometimes I just can’t shake the idea that maybe somehow God made a mistake in granting me this opportunity. I know I’m not alone in my imposter syndrome, and while I’ve had to overcome self-doubt in college, this is the first time I’ve experienced it to such a great extent. I hope that maybe publishing this can empower me in some way by looking back when I’m several months into my grant and I’m living good, safe, creating a great body of work that I’m proud of with a fantastic team, with the resources I need, that I was wrong the whole time. Because God makes no mistakes. 

    The first time I did a documentary overseas was in Puerto Rico in Spring of 2023. And I was nervoouuussss. I felt like I wasn’t cut out for it, and to no surprise, I put extra pressure on myself to do as much research and language immersion as I could before landing in San Juan. Mind you, I’ve been taking Spanish since the 7th grade. I was only worried because I was just a little out of practice, a little bit far from perfect. As many of my mentors and professors have taught me, perfection isn’t real. These false realities of perfection can actually hold you back. It wasn’t until someone checked me while I was ranting about something when they told me I was acting like this Puerto Rico project was high-stakes. And I was like… are you sure? That was the first time I even realized I was doing it. I remember my friends were so excited for me to go that semester, too, but anytime they asked about that class I shut it right down because I wasn’t tryna talk about it. Like y’all not finna make me nervous right now. Yet they knew I was gonna be just fine. Now my friends say the same stuff today. While a Fulbright is more “high-stakes” than a college journalism class, I’m still certainly putting more pressure on it than I should. Pressure and striving for “perfection” can be a good thing, but in moderation… not too much where you can’t even move. And I gots to move.

    I’m going to continue writing about my preparations for Brazil and when I get there, blogging my experiences with creating my documentary. I want a record of my experiences that isn’t just in my journal I keep, but published, somewhere that isn’t hidden, to inspire people who want to follow their dreams, too. As introverted as I can be sometimes, I’ve got to learn to take up space. I’ve got to learn to shine unapologetically. I hope blogging helps me recognize how far I’ve come, how far I’ve still to go, and I hope it motivates me to not ever give up on what makes my heart burn.

    More soon. xoxo